Saturday, October 4, 2014

For the Silent Ones...

Rape.

It’s a weird word to say. It sounds dirty coming out of people’s mouth, at least to my ears. I prefer sexual assault or sometimes I even refer to it as “the incident”.  It doesn’t get any easier to say. It doesn’t get any easier to deal with, at least not yet.

There are so many different reactions you can get from someone when you tell them you’ve been sexually assaulted or raped. Some people are speechless, which I prefer. This happened to me. Let me talk. But other people have their opinions they need to share with you. They want to hear the entire story. Which if they thought about it, how sadistic is that? They are asking a trauma victim to relive the traumatic event they went through. They wouldn’t ask a person to recount their significant other dying. That might seem a little harsh, but for some victims of rape, it’s close to death. A piece of them dies. But there are also those people who don’t even ask about the story but they want to know what the victim did after the fact. Did you report it? Did you tell someone? Did you let everyone in the whole universe know that you were violated, emotionally and physically? Well why not? And if the victim did tell someone, was it to late? To soon? Did the cops believe you? Who’d you tell?

            I think sometimes what friends and family don’t understand is that when we tell them about our “incident” we don’t want feedback. We just want to get it out there in the universe. We want to acknowledge something very serious happened to us. We don’t want to relive it. We don’t want their judgment or advice. We understand they are not therapist or trauma counselors.  We just want to tell someone. We want someone to sit with us and pat us on the back and tell us that we will get through this because sometimes we don’t think we will. Sometimes all we see is what happened to us. It’s not in the past but directly in front of us blocking happiness and laughter and sunshine. We want someone to help us realize there can and will be sunshine again.

            That’s depressing isn’t it? Rape isn’t always pretty. It’s actually never pretty. I think sometimes people have misconceptions about how rape or sexual assault is an event that can be put behind a person after an allotment of time. And it can be.  But it pops up. It rears it’s ugly head at the worst and the best times. At night, when I’m alone and I’m tired is the most common time. I start thinking about why I’m alone, and if I’m always going to be alone. That leads to thinking about the last time I was with someone, and what he did. That leads to thinking about the trust issues I have, and so the cycle begins. It usually ends with crying, maybe a very depressing movie, maybe a very happy one to try to lift my mood. In the morning I wake up, wash my face, and pretend it never happened.

            This isn’t a healthy cycle. I am not promoting lack of therapy to ANY victim. But I don’t like therapy. More bad experiences when I was a child and honestly I just don’t have the energy to shop for a good therapist. And I understand that not everyone does. And it’s those people, those victims, who know that I am not perfect and I sometimes have no idea what I’m talking about and that I just put my fingers to my keys or my face to the camera and tell them what I’m feeling in hopes that they will not ever, EVER feel alone in this.

Because if you’re reading this, and you’ve even felt anything familiarity with this, you are not alone love. There is someone who understands you, who will sit with you and pat you on the back and tell you that the happiness, laughter, and sunshine will return. Maybe in an hour, maybe in a day, maybe in a few weeks, but it will return, and until then, you have me. <3


I love you.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

The Hardest 3 Days of My Life To Date

Oh my gosh. If you are friends with me on Facebook, you know by now that the past 3 days I have done a detoxing cleanse that consisted of 3 shakes a day with fruit and veggies for snacks.

Hardest. Three. Days. Ever.

I cannot believe the mental and physical strength and determination is took to get through this! And I wasn't even perfect. You can bet your bottom dollar that I messed up and ate something I wasn't supposed to more than once! It was so hard to not be chewing every meal first of all. And add to that that I was hungry, I mean, hello, I'm a big girl and my highest caloric intake during this cleanse (even with my cheats) was approximately 1700 cals! Crazy I tell you.

*********BUT***********

With all of that being said, I feel better than I have in months. It was SO worth it and I WILL be doing it again next quarter. I feel so light and hydrated. I am glow-y and happy. I feel GOOD about what I've been putting in my body (minus the slip ups but still, everyone is human). And best of all, the girl I did the cleanse with feels the SAME way. She told me how her caffeine headache went away, that when she did a light cardio activity she felt energized and light as well. It has been so worth it.

I would have killed an innocent bystander yesterday to get my hands on a footlong from Subway and a diet coke but I looked in the mirror after stripping down for my shower and thought "hmm, I look smaller." So I decided to test my observation and stepped on the scale. I was down 4 pounds after the first two days of the cleanse! I definitely did a victory dance and all thoughts of murder/subway/diet cokes flew out of my head. I wanted to finish and finish strong. While I'm still sitting at work and I still have one shake to go, plus some water and my veggies I cannot share my final results just yet but I know that this was worth it. It tested my head and my body and both have come out stronger and better for it. :D

I can honestly say though I am looking forward to a real meal. I'm thinking oatmeal and fruit for breakfast this morning. I will not be ruining what I just put myself through. It was much too worth it.

~Ali

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Sometimes you have to go for your dreams...

Life is truly what you make it. That's not a cliche, that's not just an overused saying. That is the truth. You can take life and making it what you want to make it. You can move away from your home, you can take or make a new job, you can start a new business, you can quite doing something that makes you unhappy. You can do whatever you want to do. You are not responsible for anyone but yourself (and kids if you have them. Please do abandon them.)

Some people are so stuck in this mentality that they cannot get out of the rut that they are stuck in. Please head my writing THIS IS NOT TRUE. When I starting coaching for health and fitness related things, I sometimes had doubts. Why would people listen to me? I am overweight. Why would people take me seriously? I'm only 20. But then I started looking at successful people and thought "Why not me?" I am smart. I am dedicated. I care about people. I am all of the things people LOOK FOR in a health and fitness coach. And I'm going through the same exact thing that they are. So why not me?

From there I pulled myself out of my pity party and turned it into a happiness party. I was doing well. I am happy, I have a great job. I enjoy my work more than ever. I invested and believed in myself and took control and look at where I am.

You can be there too. This is not a joke. WHY NOT YOU?! You better look in the mirror and realize you are the only one standing in your way right now. You can't get a promotion? Maybe you aren't working hard enough. Or maybe you need to find another company who will value you. You are in a crappy relationship? Get out of it. You can leave. Anytime. There's the door. You are overweight? Purchase a program. Join a gym. Get a group of friends together.
Stop thinking so inside the box that you miss out on your life! This is the only one you get (granted unless you believe in reincarnation but chances are you wont remember living another life.) So who cares what age you! Who cares what you weight! Most of the time people don't even notice what you think they notice. You are the hardest person on yourself. So get off your own back and start DOING what you want to be doing.

There's a lot of tough love in tonight's post and I'm not going to apologize for it. Sometimes we all need a bit of tough love to get us back on track.

~Ali

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Settling...Please DON'T do it

For some reason, today's society is so inclined to tell their kids or their friends that "you can't always get what you want". How many of us have heard that statement? And how many times have you heard it? Probably pretty frequently. One of my favorite's that I've heard is "This ain't Burger King. You can't have it your way." I mean, it is kind of funny when you think about it. But it's still not accurate.

I actually learned this morning (and I use the term "learned" very loosely) on Twitter that negative thinking is a hereditary trait. Also that the brain is more likely to remember and recall bad memories as a protection mechanism. UberFacts on Twitter teaches me a lot (; But either way, you can see that we are set up for negativity. Even if you come from happy people, your brain is trying to make you think negatively. And this sucks.

Though I do not think this is something we cannot overcome. I think with enough reading and training, people in this world can get every single thing that they want. I truly think this is possible. There are people in this world that DO get everything they want how they want it and you could be one of those as well. Your current situation does not dictate who you can be in the future. You can set goals and achieve them. You CAN be who you want to be and get whatever you want.

People need to hear this more often. We are bias to be a negative society and that's just not okay. There are so many people who believe that they will always just get by or that they will be stuck in their job forever or in an unhappy relationship and that is not okay.

We need to be a society that believes they can have everything. I am not saying you should go out and walk around like you are entitled or deserve the world. Because if you don't work for it, you don't deserve the world. But to believe in positivity and believe that people can reach their ultimate dreams is important today.

I'll link up a video of me talking about this subject to www.fb.com/gettingittogetherforme as well but please, if you don't watch that and just read this small piece, please know that you should not settle. Ever. I don't care if you are 18 or 80. Pursue your goal, pursue your dreams. Know that you are worth having everything you work for and want.

~Ali

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

There's Gotta Be More To Life...

Do you ever feel the same? Like you were made for something bigger than what you are going through right now? This world is SO large and there is SO much to experience. So many careers, so many people. There has to be more to this life than what we are going through right now. I know there is. I feel it every day and sometimes I let it get the better of me and I try to rush life. I am guilty of not always enjoying the journey I am currently on. I want to get to the next one, and the one after that.

Then I sit back and thing, there is more to life. And that's great and all but I need to remember that what is in my life NOW is important. Someday I will be helping more people than I am today. And someday I will see all of the things in the world that I want to see. And I NEVER have to stop looking forward to that. I should NEVER stop looking forward to that. Those thoughts are what keep me push today. But today is what is important. Today is what matters and now is what matters. 

There is nowhere else in my life I would rather be that now. Because right now I have amazing family members and some spectacular friends. Right now I am experiencing new and incredible things on their own terms. Right now I am 20 years young and I am happy and getting healthy. Right now I am inspiring others to do the same. One day I will have a killer team of my own who understand people and their needs. But right now I am PART of a killer team that understands people and their needs and that makes me so unbelievably happy. I have to stop anticipating my next journey and enjoying the one that I am. 

I suggest you do the same. Enjoy the car ride. Look around. Anticipate the mountains in front of you and the valleys behind you. Do not let the horizon take hold of your focus. You WILL get there. You will succeed. But today, you have to work for that success. You have to live your life in the now and give it your all. That is the only way you will get to the next place. Half ass-ing it isn't acceptable on the top. So take your blinders off. Because there are roses and colorful landscapes along the side of the road you are traveling and they are begging for your attention. Don't let them go unnoticed. 

~Ali

Monday, January 13, 2014

Flaws and all

Occasionally since I started this blog, I wonder if anyone ever reads it. Or do they care about what I'm saying. Other days I think it doesn't matter, this blog is a place for me to get out my real thoughts and feelings. I am a human being after all. I have doubts and fears and insecurities. But that's what makes us real isn't it? That's what makes people relate to one another. Our flaws make up out personality.

See we are all born perfect. Beautiful creatures brought into this world with not a smudge on our records. Immediately, our flaws start to compound. We cry very loudly, we have a birthmark, our parents saddle us with a crazy name, we have no parents, we are a "big baby", we are a "small baby", and the list keeps going on. So why does society look at flaws as a bad thing? They call people fat, or stupid or too smart or too thin, or you wear the wrong thing, show to much skin, don't make enough money. They cut people down for BEING HUMAN.

Perfect is not relatable. Have you ever met someone you view as "perfect"? They have the awesome body, great career, their relationship is working in their favor. And what's your reaction to that? Mine is "yikes, I could never be this person." Now don't think I'm hating on people who have it all together. Bravo to them. But chances are they don't have it all together. Something in their life is not working in their favor but they do not let that small misstep show. That's fine and dandy for some people but I am so not like that. And I think that's what allows me to talk to people. I am approachable because I'm not afraid to be vulnerable in front of others. I'm not afraid to say that I have parental problems, that I can't seem to be in a steady relationship. I am not thin and I LOVE FOOD to the point of being overweight. I am not scared to share my struggles with others.

I WANT to let others know that they are not alone in their flaws. I WANT to know that I'm not alone in my struggles. In doing so I have made some amazing friends and mentors. Perfect is not relatable but flaws are. So before you look at someone and think "yikes", why don't you say hello? They might have something going on in their life that you are too. Or they might just want someone to not judge them.

This is something I am working on myself. It's not instantaneous, it takes time to change your perspective, but you can do it. And you may just find and befriend some remarkable people doing it, flaws and all. <3

Friday, January 10, 2014

Ohio today!!

Headed to Ohio this afternoon. I'm so excited. I get to meet some amazing people, I'm going to learn from great people, and it's all in the company of my team! It is so amazing to be on a team that is so supportive and so happy all the time. We bring each other together and we life each other up and embrace each other. 

Tomorrow we are all working out together and getting some information that will help us grow our businesses and power our minds and bodies to do better. Ugh I can't wait. The excitement is real! The happiness is so real. IM ON TOP OF THE WORLD!